My deepest pain
comes to me
in the shape
of a demon.
Seductive.
Relentless.
Here I am,
my darkest shadow,
it's me.
“Welcome”, I tell myself with a wicked smile.
I open my wounds with the sweetest poison
while a plague enters through my mouth.
Now,
I dress as a man,
I erect my greedy penis
and force myself to penetrate my soul.
I put on the fanciest mask I keep in my wardrobe,
the one I open when the show is on.
I dress up with a poor face,
a humble face.
I tell myself pretty things,
I masturbate while gazing at my reflection,
death turns me on.
I will destroy myself, I think
while I sharpen the edge of my new knife,
the one I nail into my throat after the exorcism of my wicked vagina.
The blood runs and I drink it,
blaming the man that looks at me in the mirror.
What a mess.
I find myself hours later on my house terrace
after a hangover.
Episodes with no time or space,
the only space is between
body and mind.
Again, I remember a man
that penetrated me
after I rejected him.
Now the fault is so deep
it is all over the house.
I think, who could do this to me?
While I write this poem and sip the poison,
I observe
my house on fire,
and my body turns to ash.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Emilia is a South American woman who believes in the transformation of humanity. She has been an activist in Argentina, where she learned the values of community, revolution, strategy, and solidarity. She believes that art is the path of spiritual expression. She has been changing her social masks by working in various roles; social worker, teacher, writer, kitchen hand, artist, businesswoman. No matter which she has embodied, her spirit continues moving her towards her true self, the one she is still searching for through new experiences and cultivating compassion.
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